rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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