but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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