Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
