Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
