i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
