And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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