Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
