she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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