NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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