I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
