youre lurking in front of me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
how drunk are you?
Several
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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