Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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