Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
