VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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