my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
