I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
