and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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