...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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