11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
