She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
