Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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