My underwear smells like fireworks.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
