He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
