I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
