tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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