i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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