i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
and you fell through a lawn chair
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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