if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
