i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
