He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize