My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
