:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
love makes seman taste better
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
