i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
