don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
