I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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