she looked like the before picture.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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