Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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