I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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