Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
