I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
