Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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