I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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