I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
