He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
