Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
