Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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