haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
