I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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