I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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