Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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