They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
