I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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