I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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