I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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