I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
