He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
