I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
