she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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