My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
