Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
