omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
