I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
