I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
