Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
