Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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