Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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