i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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