White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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