I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
